


Impossible

by yeojinverse



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, lipseul - Freeform, yes i hate fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 21:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19411438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeojinverse/pseuds/yeojinverse
Summary: wherein haseul talks to jungeun to sort things out, resulting to something they both regret.





	Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> just a one shot i made in an hour. enjoy!

~~~~"I feel like I'm just a burden," Jungeun says, looking away from Haseul's gaze. She doesn't really want to talk about this face to face with Haseul, but now here she is: sitting right beside the girl she likes. Jungeun tries her best to stop her tears from falling, she can do it, she knows she can.

"Hey, you were never a burden to me. To us, Jungeun, look at me, I'm your friend, okay?" Haseul reaches her hand out to Jungeun's hand on the table, squeezing it. Jungeun shuts her eyes tightly at this. She can't describe what she's feeling, but it's like her heart is full and she just want to cry her all out to Haseul. Jungeun tries to stop herself.

"But I am. I can be. Haseul, you know how I was before. You know I've hurt people. And it hurts me because the only person I talk about those is with you. Haseul, the last time I did this I got too attached I lost someone! And—"

"And you're afraid it will happen to me?" Jungeun stops talking. She doesn't even bother to deny it. Haseul spoke in a ridiculous tone and now Jungeun is afraid. Her heart is beating erratically, abnormally, too uneven. She looks up, trying to prevent her tears from finally flowing. Not in front of Haseul.

"Jungeun, I am your friend," Haseul stresses out, tightening her grip on Jungeun's hand when the younger tried to stand up. Jungeun bites her lower lip, unsure whether she's really going to say it or not. In the end, she turns to face Haseul.

"And that is what hurts!" Jungeun points out, finally getting a chance to take her hand away from Haseul's grip when the older's hold loosened up. Haseul is confused.

"One time you told me you're suffocating because you're always the person a friend of yours always run to whenever she has a problem then leaves when she's happy. The other time you told me you're hurting and it has been hard for you and I couldn't help you or even check out on you because you wouldn't talk to anyone. And then you finally released it to someone else, but I still couldn't bring myself to talk to you because I realized one thing. Haseul, you didn't deserve to just be a diary." Jungeun blurts out, immediately putting a hand on her mouth afterwards.

"Jungeun..."

"Stop, I'm not done." Jungeun says, sniffing. "Haseul, I kept on watching you for days just to be sure you're okay. For weeks. On classes. On our hang outs with our friend group. For months. Haseul, I felt stupid. I thought I only put a distance between us because I thought I didn't want to be a burden to you. Turns out it's much more than just that."

"I thought I actually lost you, Haseul. I didn't know where I was in your life, what I am for you after those months. Up until this day I still think I'm just a burden to you. I can't talk to you thinking I'm only a burden to you. But I cared for you." Jungeun sniffs, wiping her tears away. She at least wants Haseul to know she cares deeply for her, but now she's crying. Great, now she can't even breathe properly.

"I care for you so much. When you cry, when you laugh, when you smile. I'm just happy seeing you're okay."

"On those months, I thought I was a burden, put a distance between us, I want to improve myself so I wouldn't lose you just like how I lost everyone before, Haseul. But I lost you." Jungeun points a finger to her heart, looking straight right through Haseul's shocked face.

"We're not talking, but some feeling started growing in me. At first I thought I just miss you, but then it started to hurt seeing you cry, sad, alone. You told me then you had a girlfriend and you broke up, and that's how I knew why I actually put a distance between us for me not to lose you."

"It wasn't something that grew only when you were gone. It was there even before. When you told me you were suffocating because you felt like just a diary to everyone, and that everything's been hard, Haseul, I thought I'd do anything just to heal your pain. But I didn't want to talk to you for the fear of losing you anytime. I cared for you so much that I put a distance between us because I want not just to improve myself and stop being a burden but I also wanted to stop my feelings from growing, Haseul... I don't want to lose you because I'm starting to like you." Jungeun continues, controlling her breathing to even it. She still has her look at Haseul, who is already tearing up. Haseul never knew Jungeun's pain, and now that she does, it hurts her too.

"Then I actually lost you, Haseul. Funny, right?" Jungeun tries to chuckle, but her laugh comes out as a sob. It hurts.

"I lost you trying not to lose you."

"But it seemed like you were fine, so I thought I didn't matter. And now you just had to come to me and tell me you missed me." Jungeun doesn't remove her gaze from Haseul's eyes, her words screaming pain and regrets.

"I missed you too." Jungeun finally says, turning her back and running away from Haseul. Before Jungeun reaches the classroom's door, however, Haseul grabs her.

"I'm sorry. I hoped you told me sooner," Haseul says, hesitating at first, but hugging Jungeun. Jungeun closes her eyes, she misses Haseul's embrace. But this should be the end.

"Haseul, I need you to say it," Jungeun replies, turning around and facing Haseul again. Haseul steps back a little, giving Jungeun a confused look.

"Please, let me hug you, and say what I need to hear." Jungeun adds, stepping forward. Haseul seems to realize what it is, and starts to shake her head violently. A small, cracked whisper escaping her mouth.

"I won't."

But Jungeun embraces Haseul, tightly, her face buried on Haseul's short hair. A broken voice, "please." Haseul hugs Jungeun back, tighter than it has ever been. They were both sobbing, but Jungeun is tapping Haseul's back slowly.

"Please, say it, Haseul."

Haseul chokes, remembering how Jungeun has always been there and how she never saw her.

"I don't love you the same way, Jungeun."

Jungeun embraces herself on her way home from the university, thankful her face is not frozen even though she is still crying, given the snow pouring hard that night. She looks up, sighing.

Jungeun's chance with Haseul is like the sun shining that night: impossible.


End file.
